Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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