jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
