I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
