Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
