I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
