he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
