Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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