not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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