My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
