Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
