i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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