My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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