i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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