yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize