I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
