i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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