This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Of course I have a pirate flag
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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