why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
