i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just invented taco cereal.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
