what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
