and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
