I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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