So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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