Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
