life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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