guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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