Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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