My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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