I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
