I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
