My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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