Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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