i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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