I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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