were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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