So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
