3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
