the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
