Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
