Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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