my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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