hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
