Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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