just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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