I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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