I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize