I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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