a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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