in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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