Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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