so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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