When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
