And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
