Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
