your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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