Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me

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(815): View more from Illinois

Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night

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(801): View more from Utah

i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times

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(289): View more from Ontario

You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

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(818): View more from California

xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls

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(641): View more from Iowa

I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.

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