You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
