is your mom at the bar?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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