Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
