Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
