I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
