whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
