He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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