i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
