he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
