well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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