I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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