I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
