I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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