I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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