Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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