Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
